Remember Me
by Moonsong
Summary: SPOILERS ep 33: Nuriko's thoughts during a traumatic event...


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@>-;--- ** SPOILERS UP TO EPISODE 33 ** @>-;--- 

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Remember Me By Moonsong moonsong@orisis.net 

~...~ Denotes lyrics from "Kaze no Uta" English translation by Misao Used with permission. 

I was cold. I don't think I've ever felt so cold in my entire life. The snow surrounded me... enveloped me... and for the first time since I met Miaka, I felt alone. 

~ Stop... Did you see a dream? A long sweet dream. ~ 

"Nuriko!" 

I turned my head, a gesture that almost made me gasp in pain. A pain that was receding now... slowly, gently as I fell to the ground. A frightened Tamahome descended upon me and picked up my hand. Carefully, as if I were made of spun glass, he pulled my upper body into his lap, propping me up. I relaxed, his warmth soothing away the cold, and closed my eyes. Where there was Tama, Miaka wouldn't be far behind. And with Miaka would come the rest of the seishi. Suddenly I didn't feel so alone. 

~ Stop... Let sadness sleep quietly. ~ 

I was warm now- warm or numb. It didn't really make a difference, I suppose. Not anymore. Underneath me, Tamahome's arms were trembling. Was he cold as well? Poor Tama. I tried to reach for him with my other hand but my arm refused to move. Oh, what was wrong with the blasted thing anyway? I had picked up rocks. Punched through walls. Thrown stubborn red- haired bandits into trees. So why couldn't I reach out to touch the face of a friend? A brother who had comforted me more than once in the short time I had known him? 

~ If you're moved in gentleness It is happiness, however... ~ 

"Nuriko," he murmured brokenly. 

Tama-chan. Tee hee... you always thought of me as an older brother, didn't you? I comforted you, gave you advice, saved you from cracking your teeth on fine china, but you, you gave me the greatest gift of all. You showed me the path back to myself. My Kourin was gone but you, you had lost everything. You endured... survived; without losing sight of who you were and where you were heading. You are strong Tamahome, stronger than any of us, myself included. Use that strength. Help them live on when I am gone. 

~ Passing time, uneasiness in the heart, scatter in the wind I hear a voice calling out to somebody ~ 

"Nuriko!!" 

Ah, I would know that high-pitched squeal anywhere. Miaka. My miko. I live only to serve you. Sounds clichéd, doesn't it? But it's true. You were the only thing that kept me going after Kourin died. Oh, I didn't know you yet but I knew OF you. I knew that one day, you would come and I would have to protect you. I think that was the only thing that kept me from throwing myself into a river that day. The day I lost half my soul and all of my heart. 

"Don't you dare die on me! I still need you!" 

Your tear-stained face hovered over mine and all I could think about was how sorry I truly was. I never meant to leave you. But at least you weren't alone. The rest of the seishi will always be by your side. And you have Tamahome. As for me, I'll always stay by your side. Whether or not you can see me. I will always protect you. 

~ In my body, in my heart, the fire is burning Life has awakened ~ 

Hotohori. My Emperor. My friend. My first love. Funny how I always thought you were the one who had it all. Fame, fortune, power... but none of that meant anything to you. I used to watch you, did you know? You would sit up on that balcony in your room, your silky hair flowing loosely down your back, your delicate features touched by the light of the moon. Did you ever see me wandering amongst the cherry trees in the garden below? A maiden wearing a mask. In you I saw a loneliness. A yearning matched only by my own. And I think that's why I fell in love with you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making sure you were never lonely again. And now I've failed you. I'm sorry. Remember me with kindness, Heika- sama. Don't forget me. 

~ Stop... Humans are ugly, they only know how to fight and hate ~ 

Chiriko. I will never get to see you grow up. And that is something I will regret forever. I know you will become a great man; far greater than I would have become. Once Suzaku is called, you will become a force to be reckoned with. You were the youngest of the seishi but your wisdom and maturity surpasses us all. Well, maybe except for Hotohori-sama, tee hee. You still have a lot of growing up to do, though we've forced you into a role for someone much older than you are. It's a large responsibility to fall on such young shoulders. I know, though, that when the time comes, you will do your duty. You keep us focused... centered. You remind us what we're fighting for; a better world. A place where you can grow up and be happy. 

~ Stop... but love can overcome all things ~ 

Mitsukake. You never really said much... but your words of wisdom mean so much. I know that underneath those chiseled features lies an empty shell. You may have tried to hide it from the world but I can see it. You died when Shouka was taken from you. It's an emptiness that I share for I went through the same thing when Kourin died. I don't know how you found the strength to keep on living, keep on healing people. But somehow, we both managed to muddle through until Miaka found us, until we realized our destiny. I know you're still hurting and that you will always blame yourself for being too late to save her. But it's not your fault. Some things are just meant to be. My dear friend, I truly hope you will find life and love again. 

~ Fate is drawing near It is really coming to your side ~ 

Chichiri. Perhaps the most enigmatic of us all. You hide your face behind that cheerful mask, claiming other people feel better when they didn't have to see your scar. But notme. I wanted to see your face. I wanted to see YOU. Your thoughts. Your emotions. I hated not knowing what you were thinking. All the other seishi, laid their hearts out for me to see, but not you. I was forever trying to figure out what had happened to you. Was your village invaded when you were young? Were you mauled by a wild animal during your travels? You never told us what caused such a disfigurement. Your reticence always saddened me but I respected your need for privacy. After all, you only used a piece of cloth to hide your wounds. I masqueraded as an entirely different person. Still, I do hope that one day you will emerge from your hiding place and let another into your heart. Before your pain consumes you as it did me. 

~ Your smiling face, your tears, and everything Will become an incomparable courage ~ 

Tasuki. You never knew what to make of me did you? You don't think I noticed but I saw you staring at me... often. Like you were trying to figure out what I was. Was I a woman or a man? Did it matter? Would it have made any difference? Yet even though you didn't understand me, you still accepted me. Aside from Miaka and Tamahome, you were the one I felt most comfortable with, you and your brash exterior. You spoke your mind... sometimes too much. You were my antidote to Chichiri. You hid nothing. And the things you did attempt to keep inside were written all over your face or in your eyes. I think that's why I felt so close to you. I knew you. Possibly more than I knew myself. And I wanted to be more like you. Oh, not your brawling, swearing, sake-drinking side, but the side that let your emotions show. Sometimes I think you're the bravest of all of us. You hid behind no masks, kept nothing behind closed doors. I always respected that. And always will. 

~ Even if you're hurt don't be afraid whenever it is I will always protect you ~ 

Above me, Tama's eyes streamed tears. I felt them on my face, warm and bittersweet. He was crying still. Just as silently as when his family had been slaughtered. I never wanted to see that again. In the distance, I could hear Miaka sobbing as well. And all this for me? My dearest friends, hurting because of me? That's it. I won't go! I won't be the cause of such pain! I raged in frustration and tried to push myself up. Tears sprang to my eyes. I just couldn't do it. I no longer had the strength. So I did the only thing I could do. I wept. 

~ Ah... the real meaning to live Ah... I knew it for the first time ~ 

Maybe this is for the better. Maybe you'd all be better off without me. I choked at the thought, knowing it wasn't true. Self-pity was something I'd indulged in long enough. I had to face this. My last moments with my family had to be ones I didn't regret. I closed my eyes and sent what was left of my ki out to each of you. It was all I could do to help ease your sadness, your pain. "Don't worry, I whispered." As long as there's anything left of me, I will be watching over you always. I will never leave any of you. You will be in my heart and soul for all eternity." 

~ In my body, in my heart, the shining you Has given me the one and only reason to live ~ 

"Oniisan!" 

I gasped. That voice, so familiar, I hadn't heard it in years. Could it be? 

"Kourin?" I breathed. 

A giggle. Such innocence, such joy. It had to be her! She was waiting for me! My eyes flew open and met Tamahome's sorrowful gaze. I'm sorry, Tama but it's time. Kourin is here and I must go with her. We will meet again, my friend. I promise. We will all be together again. 

~ Your smiling face, your tears, and everything ~ 

Though my words went unspoken, he must have understood for he nodded once and stroked my shortened hair, gently. Thus comforted, I smiled and relaxed in his embrace. 

~ I will always protect you ~ 

"Remember me..." I whispered, closing my eyes, at peace at last. 

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Can I write anything not depressing? No, don't answer that. C & C, onegai!!!!!! 

On to disclaimers: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters belong to the wonderful Watase Yuu; rights are also held by Flower Comics, Shogakukan, Bandai, TV Tokyo, Movic, Studio Pierrot; US rights by Viz Communications and Pioneer. 

No copyright infringement is intended. This story was written purely for the entertainment and enjoyment of other fans and I am not making any profit from it. 

Much deserved credit goes to Quicksilver for writing "Glimpses of a Fallen Star" which was probably lurking in the back of my mind while I was writing this. Though it wasn't intended as such, this short does serve as a counterpoint to her series as it shares Nuriko's point of view regarding his fellow seishi. If you haven't already, please read Quicksilver's work at: http://www.homestead.com/quicksilverslabyrinth 

Tee hee... Quicksilver also edited the final version for me... thankees!! ^_^ 

A huge "Arigato!" also goes out to Misao for letting me use the translations for "Kaze no Uta." Visit Misao's page at: http://fyparadise.iscool.net/ 

And finally, thanks to all you readers for your support! Gomen if this didn't live up to your expectations. I'm planning to inflict another Miaka/Taka songfic on the world soon so consider yourselves warned! ^^;; Thanks for putting up with me! ^_^ 

Also, don't forget, the Suzaku Seishi Fan Fiction Review is Online! Send your stories to seishi@suzaku.com and see what your fave seishi think about them! ^_^ Reviews will be posted at http://www.townserver.com/seishi/ 

"Remember Me" Copyrighted © March 15, 2000 by Moonsong. Revised April 4, 2000. Final Version © April 7, 2000. All rights not previously claimed by the above are reserved. 


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